Why do you think they call 'em "aliens?"

Ever wonder why they call Mexicans who cross the US border looking for work "aliens?" Why don't they just call them "foreigners" or "Mexicans?" Well, I figured it out: They really are aliens! (Shh! The government doesn't want us to know.)

It makes perfect sense, you know. By disguising themselves as low-wage laborers, they can observe us unobtrusively, since we tend not to pay much attention to them. It fits perfectly into their diabolical plan for interplanetary conquest!

There's evidence, too. You know where Area 51 is? It's out there in the west somewhere! That's where the aliens get in...out there in the west somewhere. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence!

And them flying saucers...they don't look much like saucers to me. You know what they look like? They look like sombreros, that's what! Coincidence? Ha!

And that's not all. Get this: We hired a Mexican guy to mow our lawn once. He kept talking about mowing the sacate. What the heck is sacate? "Lawn" is césped. But think about it: No grass grows on Mars. None at all! A Martian probably wouldn't even know the word césped. What more proof do you need?

We don't need a fence along the border. We need more radio telescopes! I'm gonna get me some tin foil and coat hangers and build a few of them buggers right now! Ain't no flies on me, man!